Please check the number you have dialled

I finally bought a BB to stay in touch with everyone... on the move, as I sleep, eat, walk, somewhere, anywhere, everywhere! Stay in touch... but with whom? I wait for it to beep, buzz or ring. None of it happens. Ah! forget the wait. I shall call or message everyone. I open the contact list trying to find those names. Those names that I hanged out at Chota. Oh right I must have saved them by nicknames. I don't do that normally. Maybe years back I did. No items I tried searching were there.

All I could find were contacts of my bosses, clients, vendors, suppliers and some relatives... Where did my other contacts go? I am sure I took backup... I had all my contacts... But none can I connect with. It says 'connection error'. How long has it been? 6 years... Or is it 5? But how does that matter! Isn't it supposed to be 'friends for life'. Who said so then? Finally found the name of my childhood buddy.

Phone rings... My heart beat races... the ring goes off and I hear a voice,
"Hello"
"Hi... Ssup?" I say in my usual tone - all excited
"Who's this?"
"Its me... Anu"
"Wrong no!"

I hear a click and the line goes dead...

Crash & Burn

The pin kept pricking me... twice now! And I didn't feel a thing. Was I becoming immune? Sitting alone. The only light in the darkness was that of the phone display. Patience... Calm... Couldn't!

I waited for the day to unfold. Waiting for the darkness to be engulfed by the sun. Stars looked beautiful tonight... Scattered... Just like my thoughts. I felt weary, tired and more so disgusted. Introspect... What am I doing wrong? I knew what was wrong but couldn't undo it.

Learnt a lesson, you change with times, adjust according to situations, mould, swim with the current. But people DON'T. Worst still fail to understand. Move on... Get over it... Why can't one understand something as simple as that. I felt tired, drained but my eyes didn't wink of sleep. They were teary... That's when you feel vague, futile and more so useless. The agony aunt today can't solve her own problems. I have the solutions but it won't be taken well as he is still stuck... 500 kms away!

Tired... Not given up yet but definitely tired! Still waiting for day break... Is it time then? To take a decision...

When the wait was over...

She felt lonely and more so when she stood in crowd. Everything around her was festive. People hugged each other, greeting joyfully with kids running around. The house was beautifully decorated. Garlands of lights and flowers ran through the inside and outside the house. But within her darkness still prevailed. She was dressed up for the festivities but nothing within her felt good. She looked in the crowd to find those same eyes who appreciated what she wore or just that one look did. He no longer was there in her life. She thought no one could take his place. But someone did.

Today she wore his favourite coloured saree, matching bangles and the payal that he had gifted her. There was still something missing. Those eyes that said, "You look beautiful". Those lips that would kiss her forehead when he met her. His arms that held her close to her heart. Today she dressed to make herself feel happy. Colours always made her feel good.

So there she was sitting on the stairs staring at the bangles her eyes were moist now. A group of cousins come to greet her. She stood to greet them, swallowing her tears. Smiled which was fake, laughed when her heart cried and danced a bit when she felt paralysed. She felt lonely. A fallacy! How wrong she was...

He stood leaning on the pillar. Observing the colour, festivities, people and kids running around but nothing caught his attention as much as she did. He was watching her for a long time. Surprisingly she never noticed him. In fact there were times when she looked through him.

Something about her was alluding. He wanted to know her... speak to her... Just be there for her. He saw the silent tears that filled her eyes and when she gulped it in when her cousins came to greet her. His eyes never met hers. And that disturbed him. He felt he waited enough. "What the heck! What am I to lose?" he murmured to himself. And started walking to where she was standing. She turned to find a good looking guy wearing an Indian attire with a warm smile and enchanting eyes. A natural smile she returned.

"Hi, Awesome decoration... Great house, aint it?" he tried starting the conversation. She got a hint that he had no clue who she was, the daughter of the house. It was her sister's wedding and he might be jijju's side of the family, she assumed, "Yup, thank you!" she replied trying to give him a hint. He was smart enough to get that and continued, "Your home, yeah? Sister's wedding... then why are you here? Shouldn't you be near the vidhi area?" After he spoke he realised it was too direct and none of his business. But something within him wanted her to smile, rejoice and enjoy. She was a little taken aback by the way this conversation was heading. She felt closing herself more... But his charm, smile and warmth did it all. She wanted to talk.

"Ya was going there in sometime. Had some work here", she lied. "How do you know, jijju?"
"Childhood friends! Wasn't around for the enagagement, mehendi and sangeet. Was caught in an important deal. Wedding however, just couldn't miss it."
"Childhood friend?? Oh so you are Akash?? Jijju spoke a lot about you. Rather bragged."
"Oh... he tends to that... wonder why doesn't he save me from this embarrassment!"
"Embarrassed? He spoke highly of you. What you achieved in your career in such a short time span is commendable."
"He is no less right? But I don't do that to him"
"Really?? He differed on that." , she smiled almost letting a laugh.

He smirked and nodded his head. When he again looked at her, he saw her eyes; well done makeup but couldn't hide her solitude that crept from within. She knew everything about him. Didi and Jijju had spoken a lot. Reason being they wanted to hitch them. She wondered if he knew and this is why came to speck to her. But then he didn't know who she was. Was he pretending? He was smart, intelligent and his smile, she didn't even want to think about that now. He was well-mannered, stood tall and seemed someone with all the "gentleman" like qualities. Something about him was captivating.

She could see her 'girl' cousins eyeing him like a candy. She smiled at them. He turned to see where she looked over his shoulders. He waved a 'hi' to all of them and turned back. Her cousins were jittery and faked as though they were fainting. She giggled a bit looking at them.

That's all he wanted. The silence between them broke when the pandit announced its time for the Pheras. Everybody scrammed to the wedding area. People made way by pushing her by mistake. He held her by her shoulder while she held his hand. She felt nice and happy after long time. The awkward moment had passed and they started walking with a small distance between them.

Didi and Jijju saw them come in together. Didi winked at her and asked how he was just by a nod and moving her brow. He wasn't looking then. She just signalled her, "We'll talk later about this". A smile crossed Didi's face and she looked at Jiju.

She saw Didi speak to him, obviously about them .

Didi asked, "Does he know everything about her?" And he said,

"Yes"

Today....

The dim lit bar, drunkards and the rickety stairs... almost everything around was depressing... And I added to it.

Every customer was precious to her. Regular customers got a hi-five or a hug over the counter or a loud bye, Newbies were given a warm and broad smile making them feel comfortable and Random people, like me, went unnoticed (atleast that's what I thought). Each order she took she delivered perfectly. No one cribbed, yelled or complained at her. Her smile maybe did it all.

I kept observing her failing to notice that she did too. Observant, empathetic and expressive is how I can best describe her. She remembered to ask about how the interview was to a 30 year old man who must have visited the bar day before. She reacted listening to one of the customer when he described how the trial went, a pursuit for getting his land back. Everyone was greeted with the same warmth and smile.

I got up from my chair in the dining area and walked towards the bar. At that very moment she came out of the kitchen and handed the bowl of fries to a person standing next to me. She looked at me & asked, "Refill your glass with cognac,sir?' My brows went up, she knew,

"What if I want to change my drink?", I tried to irritate her.

With no change in her demeanour, "After 5 drinks, that is not advisable. But as you wish. What will you have then, sir?"

'5 drinks', I thought. She knew what I was drinking and how many had I already had but surprisingly none of them were served by her. Then how did she know?

"Repeat the cognac, please"

She refilled my glass with the same radiance & warm smile on her face. I stared right into her.

Why was she different? I couldn't reason that out. What is that I do different at home that she is so much different there? The 'is' changes to 'was' I mentally made a note. She no longer was mine. Two signatures did it all today afternoon. I had to go back to the room today to an empty bed. All alone. What would she do? Where would she go? She was alone to. At least that's what I chose to believe.

I took my glass, shot the drink down in one go, banged the glass back on the counter and left.

I waited outside on the street checking my watch time and again. The bar was closing and I waited for her to walk out. After the goodbyes and kisses to her colleagues, she turned to find me there.

"Come... Let's go", I said.

Her expression changed her eyes turned watery. Was it the chill of the night or me?

"Where to?", she enquired. Her voice began to crack.

"Home"
"Our ways are different now"
"Do you've a place to go?"
"I'll find one"
"It's too late in the night to find a place to stay. Till you find a safe place to stay you stay with me"

She tried refuting, fighting her tears back but all I could hear were mumbles. Before she could word them I said,
"I might not be your husband any more. But still am a person you can trust. Someone whom you know. You can stay with me than at some random place"

And our conversation ended there. She nodded & we started walking... On the same road, crossing the same buildings at the same time... like we did in these 3 years...

Things were now going to change. Every minute of this change I dread...

Coupled

I saw her first set the coffee table, magazines & coaster neatly arranged to the side with a coffee mug placed on it. Then the cushions on the sofa! Her wet hair just added to her beautiful face. Each time she dusted the mat, the cover or just about anything her bangles clinked. Orange kurti & white salwar she was ready to go for the sangeet party. Time and again she put a strand of hair behind her ear.. The one that played on her cheek. Finally she stopped turned to see what I was upto. She smiled right into my eyes, caught my stare for a minute longer, a smile that had so much warmth that I felt it from feet away.. Time to get ready...

I kept working trying to not look at him. I could feel his stare behind my back. I blush, a faint uncontrollable smile breaks on my face each time. He always makes me feel special. He always takes efforts to keep it this way. His eyes expressed more than his words. I finally turned to see if he is going to start getting ready. I caught his stare for a minute. His smile captivated my heart. He finally got up from the bed throwing the white sheets behind & walked towards me. I froze waiting to know what next? His arms went over my right shoulder to open the cupboard that I was begining to lean on. His eyes still rested on my eyes. He removed the shirt for the evening sangeet. Waited for my approval which was just a nod.

They were ready to go. She set her dupatta right. He always loved the way she stood in front of the mirror getting ready. He walked behind her, she looked up in the mirror and smiled. The same strand of hair danced on her cheek to the sound of the breeze. He softly tucked the hair behind her ear. Held her close and whispered in her ear, "A thought crossed my mind"... She enquired with her eyes. "Do we really have to go? She looked in his eyes through the mirror, "What shall we do then?" "A dinner date.. Right here! Right now! I shall set the table.. Music shall play.. Lets dance all night!"

She rarely put makeup, she smiled and her cheeks turned pink and her eyes gleamed..
With the same smile she turned, looked & softly spoke to him, "I'll help you set the table.."

Lights... Camera... Action

She turned, struck a pose, smiled.. Click click.. Gasp, awed.. Looked right then left.. A soft wave!!
Her smile, her body, cascading hair, Jimmy Choo shoes, Manish Malhotra's dress, Michael Kors clutch..
No one sees her dense eyes.. Her bruised body, her burnt legs..
Everything about her was perfect! Behind those cameras, people hooting and shouting, everyone wanted to be her, live like her, achieve like, splurge like her..
Little did they know in bloody red the carpet was where she stood today.. How the 'stars' struck her each time before a deal..
The manipulations, lies, broken promises, crushed dreams.. But who doesn't want to be successful.. At all costs. It seductively lured her into this! Success, ha!
She turned her back to the camera and walked in smiling humbly at the guards and other stares who visually molested her..
It was dark just before she could enter the hall. A silent tear rolled from her left eye, she loved this darkness and she let it embrace her for a minute. She carefully wiped the tear with her perfectly manicured index finger.. Cautious enough to not spoil the makeup that hid her scars..
She shot a syringe, threw her head back, composed herself, took a perfect stand.. Like she was about to hit the ramp. The 70mm smile was back!
She was ready for the second scene. As routine she softly mumbled to herself,"It's showtime"