Bad Days Of Our Lives....

Days of our lives, wade away,
Some slow, some fast while some shy,

Each day we want to reminiscence,
Sad though, not all can we sense,

Each moment teaches a lesson,
Lesson we fail to learn and listen,

As kids we categorize good and bad,
Bad days are what drives us mad,

Mistakes committed [by us] is what makes a bad day,
And, since we fail to remember that very day,

Same mistakes are committed again,
Bad days soon come again,

So, Live and Learn each day,
Remembering, instead a good day,

Rejuvenate and Cope with these
Bad Days!!!

signin off,
Me...!

The Woman Behind The Veil

A year ago, I had attended a typical Hindu wedding. Weddings in India can be boisterous thanks to the band that plays Bollywood wedding songs, greetings of people who may be close or not so close in a loud manner, women sitting & gossiping as to who’s daughter or son was seen with whom & pass their own judgments about what they saw & it goes on & on. The wedding was definitely a lavish one & every expense was clearly visible from lights to ‘mandap’ (where the ritual takes place) to the decorations. The venue was near a lake, so even the place was cool & windy. It was not a marriage of some close relative of mine but of the daughter of my mother’s colleague. Many of them I did not know & some could recollect meeting at some party or occasion. The place was full of life & beaming with lights in yellow, red, green & blue.

When we arrived the ‘7 pheras’(Hindu ritual of marriage where the bride and the groom go around the holy fire 7 times taking their marital vows), was about to end. Most of them were busy with their own talks & least interested in the occasion they had actually come for- MARRIAGE. But with me it was vice-versa. I was looking at the bride who was looking very beautiful in her sari & ornaments complementing her look.

It was a traditional Hindu marriage & I could say that because the bride had taken the ‘palu’ (i.e. the part of sari which is left over the shoulder) around her head. It acts like a veil & symbolises woman with self-respect and denotes the schema of woman; her shyness. As I saw the bride taking her vows I sat to think; what next? What about her life ahead? It’s like a new beginning altogether for her. All this while she lived her life for herself & her parents & now everything will be substituted to hear husband’s needs & wants, her in-laws happiness, new relations & so on. Her independence from now on will depend on whims of her new life, which will set with years to come.

Rituals came to an end & the knot was tied for eternity. Then came FOOD. Food was served & must say was a delicious and a savouring experience. After sometime the food session ended & people came back to the seats. The bride and the groom were chatting with the guests & they were being congratulated and were given best wishes for future. All this while I just kept looking at the bride. She was happy but still coy, scared still smiling, but what spoke volumes were those Eyes.

And then came the moment of sadness- The Bidai (farewell of the bride from her parents house). Indians love this ritual the most as they get to cry, cry in volumes. And women credited to it. Related or not related, known or not known everyone’s a part of this melodrama. I still haven’t got the psychology of such people, what are they crying for? Remembering the way they departed from their families & how lives are ruined now, or for some remembering the fact that soon even their daughters are going to get married and leave & definitely some cry for the sole reason- everyone’s crying!!

Jokes apart, it is truly difficult moment for the mother and father of the bride. 23 years of upbringing to see this day. The bride cries too, clinging on to her mother to whom she has clinged on everyday & today for the last time. She can’t let go but finally has to. She still has her ‘palu’ (veil) on her head & sat in the car. I stood there watching all this & she looked around for the last time & by chance her eyes met mine. And those EYES kept me thinking till today. Eyes filled with tears, fear, anxiety, hope, love, faith, belief, values, & above all Destiny.

What happens then? She goes to her new house to her new set of adjustments and compromise. She tied the knot with one man but that knot goes beyond her man. It extends to new relations & maintaining those, different eating habits & patterns of life, rituals & customs & many more.

A week after the wedding my mother’s same colleague called up & asked her to come over to see the photographs of the wedding. I went along too. Scanning through so many photographs, my eye caught the one during the ‘bidai’. It was the same moment when she looked at me & the photographer was able to capture it. Those same eyes & the same whirlpool of emotions in them.

I asked for a copy of that photograph & named behind it-

The Woman Behind The Veil!

signin off,
Me..!

Change

I look around in utter despair,
Nothing around is spared,
My mind's jinxed,
No thing can I trace,
Everything1 around is not the same,
Nothing around is in frame,
Things are scattered,
Thoughts are battered,
I bump into things as unknown,
Old things are terribly torn,
Everything seems so strange,
Donno when i shall adjust
To This CHANGE!

The Heart

I was strolling on an early Sunday evening, on the beach. It was full of life with families, couples, kids, vendors, shopkeepers, tattoo artists, etc. It’s not a regular habit of mine but I just felt the need to relax my body and soul after a 6-week work routine. I found a nice bench & sat. Around me I saw lot of folks enjoying the water, the sand, & many just like me chose to relax.

At a distance I saw a girl who seemed to be a collegian who was working on project with the help of survey method. She was carrying a patch-work sack like bag with a pencil and notepad in hand. The girl looked eye-catching with a simple t-shirt and a nice pair of denims. What looked interesting in her were her enthusiastic eyes. It seemed she was asking a question to which she expected an answer. Her eyes reacted to every answer in a different way but with a similar motive.

She was moving to people on benches towards me. And that’s when she was audible. The question she was asking was, ‘What is a heart?’ Many did not understand what she was asking. And then she had to explain like, ‘What does heart mean to you?’ ‘How important is heart to you?’ etc.

Just 3 benches away from me sat an old couple. She asked them, “Excuse me, grandpa and grandma, what according to you is a heart?” The expression of the couple first went blank but then the old man regained back this colour with a warm smile and replied, “for us heart, is a medium of life. Once it stops out existence comes to an end. And that’s what we are waiting for. And we know it is just around the corner. For us, heart is the source of life”.

She noted down the answer and her eyes sympathetically moved next. Next was a teenage boy who was into a book completely. He looked like a nerd thanks to his attire and the pair of glasses he wore. She asked him the same question. A boy gave in a weird expression and said, “Don’t I have any better thing to do than to answer such a stupid question. If I have to answer then I say I don’t know! Have got an exam tomorrow so…do you mind…!”. She apologized but was disappointed to the way he answered. She moved on to man in his early twenties. The question was repeated in a hope to get a better treatment.

With the kind of answer he gave my mouth remained open wide with the amount of facts that flowed out of his mouth. He replied brightly, “The heart is located in thoracic cavity of our body. It’s exactly in the center of our chest and its lower half is tilted towards the left. That’s why people believe that heart is towards the left while it is not. It has 4 chambers and its main function is that of oxygenation of blood. The 4 chambers are 2 auricles and 2 ventricles. The upper chamber is known as…” and that’s where she had to politely stop him. She thanked and went next.

Next to this guy was where I sat. Both our facial reaction towards the answer was same. But when our eyes met the warmth & smile regained. And she asked the question again. I felt that the poor girl had written enough. I kept it short and meaningful, “that’s the place where feelings and emotions emerge. The source of love.” She quite accepted the answer & moved on.

Next to me sat a middle-aged man. He seemed to be sad & appeared to be somewhat a LONER. His eyes poured melancholy and his failure was evident from his body language. As their eyes met the girl’s eyes also spoke to him in a similar manner. As though his eyes were spreading the disease of loneliness. She asked, “Sir, what is heart according to you?”

He nodded & laughed sarcastically and gave a wry smile. As he looked down, his lips then opened to speak, “Heart…what do I say what it is? My dear, it’s a very wrong question you asking me. Heart is a source of feelings and emotions is what many say. But what will a man like me feel and emote if that organ’s broken. Several times! For me heart is source of pain and suffering. A toy for people to play with! Source of loneliness, depression, grief, sorrow…” And he stopped to look at the girl’s eyes and face, which went pale.

His eyes turned red and were watery and his voice cracked a bit, “I’m sorry but I said the truth. But that’s what I feel. I don’t want to instill all this in you. You still have a long way to go”
“I’ll only give a piece of advice if you want to hear and follow. Judge and Confirm the person you giving it (heart) to as not all know the value of it.”

As he said this he rose and walked away. My eyes followed the man till I couldn’t see his figure. His answer made me think. It was getting dark and I had to head back home. The answer was very thoughtful and heart felt, if I can say so. My thoughts were blocked by a voice of a young urchin who was selling small heart soft toys, “Dil le lo dil le lo, sirf 10 rupaiya mein…le lo le lo…”

The man’s words reverberated in my head, “…Confirm the person you giving it to as not all know the value of it.” I smiled to the little boy and headed back to my routine.

Mindscape

This word first hit my grey cells when our college psychology exhibition was named so. The word made me think & look at the broad sense. This 9-letter word is most apt to the filed of psychology. Mindscape- two words fused in such a way that the meaning goes beyond it- Mind and Escape…

It can be interpreted as a Mind that wants to escape, a Mind that is in course of escaping. This escapade can be in the sense of reality or in mystical world. In short, a Mind that needs help. And what better person to help this Mind than a psychologist.

A psychologist, a complete stranger whom you are able to confide in. Can speak volumes about your thoughts, actions, feelings, emotions, etc. People who came to a psychologist are people whom I am referring to as Escaping Minds.

Depression sufferers escape from facts, hallucinates escape from reality, psychotics and neurotics escape from many other avenues of life.

But for once if one sits back to think we commonly say that they are people who need help so that they can lead a normal life. But who is to decide what is normal and what is not? If one sees the other side of horizon, according to them they believe the facts strongly that they hold about life, oneself and reality. They feel they are the right ones who are amongst wrong people. They speak their Minds.

One thing I would like to ask one and all reading this, how many times have you compromised a thought or action? How many times have you changed your view because of someone? And how many times have you held back your words back because it may hurt some one? And we cal ourselves Normal?!

I appreciate and admire the so-called ‘Abnormal’ for least they speak their mind so what if it’s escaping. I am not supporting this condition of theirs and needless to say they do need help. We the so-called Normal have the sane mind to think and manipulate even the psychological questionnaire.

But their escaping mind can’t do that and speak what is going on with them. Just today I would like all of us to think like them, feel like them, speak like them, emote like them… Just today I would like to call us- Abnormal!

Click

'Click'came the voice from me,
A emotion that one cant see,
Painful, it definately was,
Held myself in my arms,
Trying not to break,
Trying hard not to shake,
Pushing my tears back,
Forcing my lips to laugh,
Sigh! Couldn't do that,
Tried again but failed & sat,
My hands shivered,
My face it then clenched,
'Click' again the voice,
It made me think twice,
From where does the voice arise,
Then realise, 'Click' again & there my
HEART BREAKS!

I Wait....

Sitting there I think,
Think, what made me wink,
Wink my sleep away,
My inner balance that sways,
I sat there & wait,
Think about it straight,
Dont think what is right & wrong,
Tryin my level to hum a song,
On the parapet I still sit,
Every nail I have bit,
My eyes run till I can see,
They dont close to dream,
Reality is what for I wait,
Everything for me is at stake,
Push my head down again,
With a deep held pain,
Down comes a cold shiver,
And there, I wait forever....

Trickling Drop

Pitter Patter played raindrops,

On the asbestos roofs,

Each drop trickled down,

Along the wavy grooves!

I sat in the veranda, under the roof,

With palm held below the grooves,

Each drop trickled down,

To squat on my hand or on the lawn!

Every showed struggle,

Along the wavy top,

Each drop trickled down,

As it cut through every trouble!

As I held each drop,
I felt its warmth in its cool,

Each drop trickled down,

To teach an important lesson!

Survive through obstacles,
Even on the wavy road,

Each drop trickled down,

To show what your eyes hold!

Every drop of tear,
Resembled that raindrop,

Each drop trickled down,

To show its existence!

Each drop in my hand,
Autobiographed after its end!

The Sound of....

My hands behind my ears,
Looking around with hope,
As I sat in that lonely place,
Pushed my ears to listen,
And there I hear it,
A sound so soothing,
Wasn't trapped, didn't cry,
Just enjoyed with a smile,
Sound, so needed,
So beautiful yet eerie,
I turn my head again,
And there I can hear it again.
Serene, Quite, Subtle,
As I closed my eyes,
My heart danced to its tunes,
I sat and heard,
The Sound Of Silence.....

Lost Deer

I look around with rapid eye movement,

My brain & heart that torment,

What the hell went wrong,

For hours and day long,

No soul my eyes trace,

Left lone at this unknown place,

No one to speak to,

No one to cry to,

No one to yell at,

No one to laugh with (or at),

All that left was me,

My eyes unable to see,

Sit to think,

There again my eyes blink,

But again, in vain,

Within me seeps the pain,

No one there is, to caress,

My eyes slowly fill with tears,

Vision becomes so unclear,

My eyes resemble just like that

Of a Lost Deer!!